Saturday, April 09, 2005

Why Bleeding-Hearts with Broken-Hearts Write to Lonelyhearts

Maureen Scurfield writes an advice column in the Winnipeg Sun under the name Miss. Lonelyhearts. The horrible advice she gives is seldom outdone by the convoluted stories that are written to her. One such exchange was printed in yesterday’s paper. Here is the headline:

His phony first name biggest betrayal of all

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts
I was eating a hotdog last summer from one of the carts, and this guy came up to me and asked if I was enjoying it. One thing led to another and we ended up having drinks and then dinner and then walking around The Forks and holding hands and then we went to his apartment and we made love. Not just sex; we made love. It was the most romantic experience of my life.
He said we could never meet again, and I could only know his first name, but that was OK because I was married.
Yesterday I saw him for the first time since. He was with a woman and a child and he was obviously the child’s dad, and they were at, where else – The Forks. I walked over to him when his wife was at the kiosk and said “Hi, Don” and the child said plainly: “His name isn’t Don.” I turned and walked away fast. For some reason, that lie really threw me. He’d lied about his first name, too! Why am I obsessed by that?
Feeling Betrayed

The short answer would be, you are a classic liberal moral relativist that does not seem to grasp that if people as shallow as you are willing to commit the most outrageous betrayal imaginable in a relationship, like cheat on your husband, it just may be possible that other people are willing to do something as insignificant as lie about their first name. Of course, pointing out the obvious is why the Blue Maple Leaf is a political blog and not an advice column for Winnipeg’s most dysfunctional. Here is the advice of Miss. Lonelyhearts, the professional.

Dear Betrayed
You expected him to honor your agreement of no last names but you thought you’d shared the trust of first names. But you gave him your real name – and he made one up. Not so romantic. Did you say his name repeatedly as you made love? Many people do that when they are falling for someone.

Then, in classic feminist, man bashing style, Miss Lonelyhearts ends with, “My guess is he’s done this many times before.”

Translation: the fact that he lied about his first name means he is a typical man, chronic cheater, can’t be trusted and he is the lowest form of life. But you told your real first name, so you are a stand-up Winnipegger even though you just committed adultery with a guy that simply asked, “Are you enjoying your hotdog.”

Just keep on taking advice from Miss. Lonelyhearts all you bleeding-hearts and you will have broken-hearts for the rest of your lives.


At 4:14 a.m., Blogger PR said...

Even whores have standards. No lying about first names!


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